I know I wanted to write about things that make me smile.  However, I do need to write about something that happened that makes me really sad.  As you know, my cat, Princess, had a tumor and had not been eating for over a month.  Well, it just so happens that she died on Saturday.  I knew it was going to happen but knowing it and when it actually happens are very different.

When I found out she had a tumor I had the option of putting her to sleep but refused to do it.  I felt like I would be killing her.  I decided to bring her home to take care of her and shower her with my love.  Because she was not eating anything she was losing so much weight.  She looked so different.  I asked myself if she was suffering but it did not look like it because she was not “crying” or meowing.  I cherished each day that went because I knew that it could be her last day.

On Saturday morning around 4am I woke up to use the bathroom and noticed she was on my bedroom floor.  So I picked her up and put her on my bed where we both slept in till about 8 or so.  For the next hour or so she would hardly move and was just so weak.  I knew that it was almost time.  I was not sure if I should go to the vet so I called to find out.  I was told that the vets were busy and that someone would call me back.  Well, I then decided to go in on Monday morning to put her at rest.  My 8 year old nephew agreed with me because he said that that way I would spend more time with her.   However, later on I had a feeling that she was not going to make it past that day.  I became very emotional and began crying.  I held her in my arms and it was there that she took her last breath before dying peacefully.

Just thinking about her makes me sad but I find comfort knowing that she is at peace now and hopefully eating a lot of good.  I also know that she had 13 GREAT years with me in which I cherished and showered her with my love.  I am glad that I did not put her down last month but instead brought her home with me.  I am even more glad that I was home when it happened and that she died in my arms.  I got to see her and talk to her before she left.  Every day I feared that she would pass when I was at school and would come home to find her dead.  One of my friends warned me that the latter would be more traumatic for me.

I decided to cremate her and I am supposed to pick up her ashes on Friday.  I know that having her ashes at home will make me feel better.  I know that everything I just wrote may be childish to you and that is OK.  Unless you have a pet you will not know what it is like to love him/her so much and it is so painful to know that your pet will not be waiting for you in the morning or when you come home.

I have my moments when I do feel sad but overall I am happy because I was with her till the end and I know she is in a better place.

Peace.

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